


in bloom

by astrovagant



Series: let the soft animal of your body love what it loves [1]
Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Autistic Amity Blight, Autistic Luz Noceda, Canon Disabled Character, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Emotional Abuse, Luz Noceda has ADHD, Supportive Eda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:06:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26509474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrovagant/pseuds/astrovagant
Summary: "By the time year nine rolled around, Amity could say with relief that her days of weirdness were far behind her and that she had perfect control over both herself and the way people saw her - even if they maybe viewed her as colder than she would like.But that all changed when Luz the Human arrived.It takes a little time, and a lot of soul-searching, but Amity eventually adapts to her new normal. Even if that means butterflies in her stomach and red faces and the ever-present thumping of her heart reacting to things she’s never felt before.The thing about Luz, though, is that no matter how prepared Amity thinks she is going into any interaction, she’s usually proven wrong a few minutes later."A little fic about stimming, self acceptance, and letting yourself be vulnerable.
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda
Series: let the soft animal of your body love what it loves [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1972351
Comments: 20
Kudos: 166





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Minor trigger warning for some self harming behavior stemming from repressing stims in this chapter, as well as hints of emotional abuse on the Blight parents' part. More notes at the end.

When Amity was a witchling, she got in trouble often. And not for the normal reasons, like refusing to go to bed when she was supposed to (though she stayed up until the wee hours of the morning reading under her blanket most nights) or not eating her vegetables (though she absolutely hated the way boiled carrots felt inside of her mouth) or getting holes in her tights (she learned to mend them with magic after the first time she’d been yelled at). No, Amity got in trouble for different reasons as a small child. 

It was the way she moved that seemed to be the problem. It wasn’t the way other people, more _respectable_ people, moved. When she was excited, it was almost as if another entity took control of her body, making her bounce in place. Her hands would flap wildly, like a baby bird first learning how to use its wings. The near-electric feeling of energy would take her body for a ride only for her to come back to herself a few moments later to her mother looking like she’d just sucked a lemon. Sometimes, when the world became too loud too fast too much, she would find herself rocking back and forth, a monotone hum bursting from her bitten-raw lips.

These things came naturally to Amity, much more naturally than sitting still in her chair during quiet time or looking people in the eye. But Amity was a fast learner. Eventually, she learned to curl her toes inside of her shoes instead of jumping up and down when she got excited and to bite the inside of her cheek when she got overwhelmed instead of humming. When the urge to flap her hands tried to take her over and she was around watching eyes, she’d knit her hands together instead, squeezing hard enough for her pristine fingernails to make little red crescents on her skin.

By the time year nine rolled around, Amity could say with relief that her days of weirdness were far behind her and that she had perfect control over both herself and the way people saw her—even if they maybe viewed her as colder than she would like.

But that all changed when Luz the Human arrived.

It takes a little time, and a lot of soul-searching, but Amity eventually adapts to her new normal. Even if that means butterflies in her stomach and red faces and the ever-present thumping of her heart reacting to things she’s never felt before.

The thing about Luz, though, is that no matter how prepared Amity thinks she is going into any interaction, she’s usually proven wrong a few minutes later.

...

It’s been a few days since the impromptu Grudgby competition. They— Luz and Willow and Augustus and herself—are sitting underneath a tree near the field. Amity doesn’t quite know how she got here, but Luz has her ways. Luz talks animatedly with Augustus—though about what, Amity isn’t sure. Probably their shared classes. Amity is only half listening, somewhat distracted by the way Luz’s brown eyes seem to shine even underneath the shade of the huge tree overhead.

But then Luz—Luz does the strangest thing. A smile blossoms on her face, bright and wide, and as it does her hands begin to flap. 

Amity can’t help but stare. She doesn’t mean to, but she’s never seen anyone else do it before, not in public. She tears her eyes away, looking down at her own hands—perfectly manicured and curled around her sandwich. When she looks up a moment later, she meets Willow’s eye. Willow gives her an almost knowing look before going back to her own meal. 

Amity doesn’t say a word the rest of lunch, too consumed by her own thoughts to put together a single sentence. The rest of that day, as she finishes her coursework, she finds herself glancing at her hands every few minutes just to make sure they’re doing what they’re supposed to. A picture of Luz, so happy and free, plays in her head on repeat.

...  
  


It happens again a few days later. Amity watches Luz pace back and forth in Edalyn Clawthorne’s living room as she brainstorms on their shared project.

“You’re gonna wear a hole in the floor pacing like that, you know,” Edalyn says mildly from the kitchen. Amity stares as she walks into the room, pen in hand. 

“Here you go,” Eda says, handing Luz the pen. The cap is mottled, and Amity soon learns why as Luz absentmindedly takes the pen and puts it in her mouth, chewing vigorously. 

“Don’t get any ink on the carpet!” is Eda’s throwaway line as she disappears back into the kitchen as though nothing happened at all. Bewildered, Amity continues staring at the doorway The Owl Lady left through, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Oh!” Luz shouts a few seconds later, making Amity jump, “Glitter!”

Amity forgets about the exchange in the moment, but later, when she lays in bed, she can’t help but remember the fond way that Eda looked at Luz as she handed her the pen. Not a trace of anger.

The seed, sewn days before underneath that tree, begins to slowly sprout.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vague content warning for emotional abuse and one's responses to it but it's mostly alluded here rather than depicted. There's some dissociation involved in the form of a shut down. The second scene of this chapter references a fic I posted recently titled "Warm Bodies". It probably isn't necessary to understand what's going on but y'all should check it out anyway b/c a) it's a short read and b) it is very Soft.

It's crowded in the marketplace. Luz is buzzing with nervous energy, flitting around from stand to stand and speaking faster than Amity can keep up with. Amity regrets agreeing to come—crowds tend to make her nervous and jumpy for reasons she can't quite put her finger on. But it's Luzs first time out shopping for Eda since they escaped the petrification, and she hadn't been able to make herself say no when Luz had asked her to come for moral support.

But still. It's noisier than ever at the market, and Amity can't help but be on high alert—especially given who she's traveling with. She taps her fingers rhythmically against her bag and forces herself to breathe. 

And it works, until someone knocks over a stand of produce and the irate worker begins yelling, her voice shrill and grating. Amity doesn't react outwardly. In fact, she doesn’t react at all. Instead, she falls into the abyss. She barely notices when Luz speaks to her, though she can vaguely recall her own lips moving, or when Luz gently takes her hand and leads her away.

She isn't sure how much time has passed when she comes back to herself. They’re in an alleyway somewhere, and Amity finds that it's much quieter than before. Luz is humming a slow and calming song, rocking softly, and they're both sitting on the ground. Normally, Amity might protest about being sat on the dirty stone. Instead, she takes in her surroundings. They sit there in silence a few more moments, allowing Amity time to gather herself.

“I’m sorry,” Amity finally brings herself to say, the words coming like a foreign language to her lips, voice monotone.

“Hey,” Luz says, “No need to apologize. I needed to get out of there myself. I’m sorry I didn't notice that you were uncomfortable sooner.”

Amity can’t bring herself to respond verbally. They sit there a few moments longer, Luz waiting patiently for Amity to gather herself and Amity trapped between feeling relief that she’s in a safe space and shame that she needed a safe space to calm down to begin with.

Eventually, Amity stands, brushing the dirt off of her dress. 

“You good?” Luz asks without judgment. Amity nods, still having trouble speaking and makes her way towards the alleyway’s exit. 

When they make their way back into the fray, Luz takes Amity’s hand. In another situation, Amity would blush at this and maybe even snatch her hand away. But she’s drained and tired and Luz’s warm, soft hands feel like they’re keeping her from floating away, so she doesn’t.

**…**

When Amity puts her foot in her mouth at Luz’s sleepover, she’s surprised to find that no one is really _mad_ at her, per se. They’re infuriatingly understanding, actually. It makes her heart hurt, just a little bit, realizing what she’s been missing all these years in regards to friendship.

Willow had always been extremely nice to the point of being a bit of a doormat. Where Amity was all bite and sharp edges, Willow was softness and gentle words. It made them a perfect duo as kids, Willow’s kindness tempering Amity’s blunt way of speech. So when Amity had lost Willow on her seventh birthday, it took awhile for Amity to get her footing back.

See, the thing was that Amity wanted to be more like Willow all those years ago. She’d admired her sweet exterior, the careful way she chose her words. But she realized the day that she chased Willow away that she wasn’t meant for such things. 

Instead, she embraced the image her parents fabricated for her. She was the perfect child to the general public, with green hair like her mother’s and the same cold and distant mask. 

Until now, she’d never let herself think of what she was missing.

When Luz begins to slur her words, Amity takes the book away. Sleeping doesn’t feel like an option, what with Eda about to find them sleeping in her nest at any minute. Nervous as Amity is, she can’t bear to wake her sleeping friends. She reads aloud until she’s sure Luz is asleep. Then, she lets herself admire her still form. She looks so peaceful in the moonlight.

She doesn’t notice herself dozing off until Eda closes the bedroom door. Slightly groggy but still wary, she doesn’t take her eyes off of her as she walks towards the nest.

“Room for one more?” Eda asks, lips quirked in a conspiratorial smile. Amity relaxes at this, then nods.

She doesn’t fall back asleep until she’s sure Eda is.

That night, she dreams of flying in the night, reaching for the moon like a moth to flame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! Look at me updating so soon after the first chapter. I'm truly amazed with myself. Don't have much to say here other than plugging my multifandom tumblr (which is mostly TOH) @astrovagant. I originally made a strictly TOH blog but I was tired of having like ten different fandom specific blogs so here we are! Also, this chapter references my recent fic "Warm Bodies". Y'all should check it out. I didn't realize I love writing fluff and found family but now that I've done it once I have a Taste For It, as Gus would say. Send me neurodivergence and disability and fluff and found family prompts! Go wild!
> 
> Much love,  
> Aster

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Welcome! This was pretty short. I was initially going to write a longer oneshot and post it all at once, but I've been sitting on this for a week or two and felt too excited to continue waiting! So this is a little multi-chapter fic. I won't be updating regularly because that never seems to work out for me but I will write more of it when the mood strikes. TOH is a huge hyperfixation of mine right now and I am SO excited to see an neurodivergent bi girl of color on a Disney show! 
> 
> Regarding the tags - I do believe that Luz has a lot of autistic traits alongside her more obvious ADHD traits. She tends to repeat things that other people say a lot as a way of communicating and also has special interests. Its kind of hard to separate ADHD and autistic traits but I definitely thing that she shows signs of both in canon. Both her and Amity represent some of the many different ways in which autism can manifest, which I think is really cool! I am both autistic alongside having ADHD combined type in case anyone is wondering. :>
> 
> Anyway! I will stop rambling right now. Please talk to me on tumblr [@astrovagant](https://astrovagant.tumblr.com/)! I would talk TOH all day every day if I had more people to talk about it with! Keep in mind that astrovagant is a sideblog, though, so I would be following back from a different url.
> 
> Much love,  
> Aster
> 
> P.S. changed my TOH tumblr url to blackluznoceda bc we found out Luz is canon afrolatine today and I legit couldn't stop crying for like 20 mins because I was so happy so there is that. 🥺


End file.
